May 17, 2015
I was in bed all last week with the stomach flu. Today is the second day I’m feeling better. I lie in bed and realize it’s a bit early, but I could technically take a pregnancy test today. I don’t feel pregnant. I begin pondering the possible results of some testing Matthew is having done, and in my head, start composing an email to disappointed grandparents and family members telling them that G will be an only child. Catastrophizing is a common manifestation of my anxiety. Recognizing this, I do my best to stop my train of thought and make myself get up and pee.
I pee on the stick. I get back in bed. Back to the email. Many of you have asked, I am sure with the best of intentions, about a sibling for G…
I write in my head and screw around on my phone for a while before I realize it’s probably been at least ten minutes. I hear G downstairs asking when he can go up and see Mommy (bless my sweet husband for doing breakfast duty almost every morning) and figure I’ll throw the stick away and head down to the crew.
I check the test, fully expecting to toss it immediately. But then.
Whoa, baby.
The awe of a positive pregnancy test is no less shocking the second time around. My mouth drops. I smile-cry. I look up at the mirror and cringe at what my smile-cry looks like.
Here we go again!
May 19, 2015
We were lucky enough to get pregnant with Gray right away. Let me tell you, getting pregnant with your first child the first month you try gives you an invisible fertility super cape. It makes you feel like you can get pregnant again at any time, completely and instantly, at will. I purchased three maternity dresses and a big brother book before I had even ovulated.
…Which is why I didn’t take it very well when the magic didn’t happen RIGHT when I expected it to. It is also why, days later, I am still in shock that this is actually happening. I had really begun to convince myself that it would take much longer this time, or that it might not happen at all.
If all goes well, this baby will be almost exactly 3.5 years younger than G. I am lucky. I am grateful. I am terrified.
May 24, 2015
I am suddenly huge. Not even five weeks pregnant and with an undeniably large midsection. What. The. Actual. F*ck. I have friends coming over for a barbecue in an hour and none of my pants fit. That’s right. Pants that fit me TWO F*CKING WEEKS AGO will not button today. I settle on a dress which is totally overkill for the occasion, but it zips and therefore it is a winner. Between the ridiculous outfit, the bloated stomach, and the lack of wine intake, I will certainly get called out as being knocked up.
Pregnancy journal #1 entries can be found here.
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