Pregnancy Journal: Weeks 5-12

by Lara on February 14, 2012

December 8, 2011 (5 weeks, 1 day):

Through my own subconscious act of genius, I have a pre-existing appointment with my doctor today.  All the books warn that most doctors won’t see you until you are 8 weeks pregnant, so I feel like I’m sneaking one by the system in seeing her this early.

My doctor confirms the pregnancy and I express my concern about not having any symptoms.  She tells me to cherish this time because apparently they are coming soon.  I’m ready.  It’s not that I want to be sick, I just want to know something is happening.

Okay, I guess I do want to be sick.  I want to puke my guts out the way the books and the movies say I’m supposed to be doing.

C’mon Baby, let me know you’re in there.

 

 

December 21, 2011 (7 weeks):

My dreams are becoming increasingly odd.  Last night I dreamt that my parents got back together (actually, it was more of a nightmare).  In the dream I am so distraught that I drink an obscene amount of alcohol.

At some point during the dream, I remember I am pregnant, and panic over my mistake.  Then, still sleeping, I stop and acknowledge that this must all be a dream.

This thought is promptly followed by a wave of nausea and a very hazy, “Then why do I feel so hungover?”

I open my eyes abruptly then.  This is not a hangover.  This is morning sickness.

 

 

January 4, 2012  (9 weeks):

I can’t believe I wished these symptoms upon myself.  On days when I make it out of the house, I want to stop every pregnant woman or mother I see.  I want to take her by the shoulders and plead, “Does this get any better?  Will I ever feel normal again?”  But then I think about the months ahead of heartburn, maternity underwear, and labor.  I flash forward through the next 18 years of blood, sweat, and tears with raising this child, and I decide I don’t want to ask.

Instead, on rough days, I think about what color hair our child will have, about the kind of person I want them to be, about the momentous and joyous ways our lives are about to change, and I feel relief.  I feel relief because that little old Chinese lady that is always somewhere in my head (the one that squeezes every last bit of toothpaste from the tube, clips coupons, and asks for doggie bags at restaurants) reminds me that really, this is a tremendously good deal.

 

January 27, 2012 (12 weeks, 2 days):

What a relief.  We had our 12-week ultrasound yesterday.  It’s alive.  It’s human.  Honestly, I was beginning to doubt it.  After not being able to hear the heartbeat on the Doppler at 9 weeks, I was assuming the worst.  When the doctor performed an impromptu-ultrasound to calm me down, that little circle on the screen looked more like a piece of shrimp cocktail than a fetus.  Since then, I’ve been preparing myself for the doctor to turn to me and say, “You’re not pregnant; you just can’t digest shellfish.”

This time, the image on the screen actually resembles a baby.  A real, live, bouncy little baby.  It’s flipping and flailing all over the place.

On the way home, Matthew turns to me and says, “I think we’re going to have our hands full with this one.  That little peanut was full of beans.”

“Full of beans,” is a British expression I’ve never quite understood.  I say, “Of course we’re going to have our hands full.  We’re having a baby.”

My husband isn’t one for dramatics.  He doesn’t trust in intuition, and he sure as hell doesn’t have a sixth sense.

Which is why it is particularly unusual when he replies with blithe confidence, “No, with this baby in particular.”  He smiles.  “I just have a feeling.”

***

Read previous Pregnancy Journal entries here

 

{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }

Lissa February 14, 2012 at 8:54 am

I love these posts, Lara–keep them coming!! :) I didn’t feel like it was real either til I had a real bump, 18 weeks which is when she began kicking. It’s bizarre knowing it’s in there, but you can’t FEEL it yet. But when you do … oh it’s just sensational!

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Lara February 14, 2012 at 11:28 am

I can’t wait to feel something! That will definitely be a whole new level of “real.” :)

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Bella February 14, 2012 at 8:57 am

loved reading these :)

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Katie February 14, 2012 at 9:13 am

I love that you are doing these posts!

I am excited to follow your journey! Such an amazing time in your lives and so nice of you to share it all!

Ok, I have to go back and probably read old posts, but how did you know you were pregnant, was it a missed period?! Sorry if I am asking too much!

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Lara February 14, 2012 at 11:30 am

Haha…the post about finding out is here: http://accordingtolara.com/2012/02/the-times-they-are-a-changin/

Basically though I was taking tests like a mad woman…I’m not even sure I waited for the missed period!

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glidingcalm February 14, 2012 at 9:38 am

“When the doctor performed an impromptu-ultrasound to calm me down, that little circle on the screen looked more like a piece of shrimp cocktail than a fetus. Since then, I’ve been preparing myself for the doctor to turn to me and say, “You’re not pregnant; you just can’t digest shellfish.” ”

I just died.

The little old Chinese lady image made me laugh too. Cept my image in my head is a little old Chinese-Jew lady mix. I gotta reprezent.

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Heather @ Get Healthy with Heather February 14, 2012 at 11:21 am

Love this! I had the same scare at my 11 week appt but then we got an ultrasound right away and all was well with our little guy.

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Andrea of Care to Breed February 14, 2012 at 11:59 am

For the record, I NEVER wore maternity underwear. Hopefully you will be able to skip them as well :)

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Lara February 14, 2012 at 1:44 pm

Me too, Andrea. Me too.

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Nichole February 14, 2012 at 1:12 pm

I love these posts! I am so excited for you and I can’t wait to read more!

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Heather Eats Almond Butter February 14, 2012 at 1:17 pm

the morning sickness is such a blessing and a curse. You feel so awful, but in a way, it’s comforting, b/c you know your body is doing its thing – well, your hormones anyway. That’s always how I tried to make myself better.

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Andrea@WellnessNotes February 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm

I love that you are sharing your journal with us. And you’ll be so glad you wrote it all down later on. I know it probably seems very unlikely right now, but you’ll forget so much of this time so quickly… Somehow all the weeks and months start melting together… And once the little one is here, it’s a whole new story… :)

Hope you are feeling better!

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Laural @ Being Healthier February 14, 2012 at 7:42 pm

LOVED IT and love you Lara! great posting superior writing.

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) February 21, 2012 at 6:09 pm

Hehe the dream- and un-hangover. So funny. So aside from coupon clipping, I guess I’m a little old Chinese woman.

I hope that your full-of-beans peanut is just a handful for Matthew but not you- his intuition, his problem lol! (i kid!)

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Lara February 22, 2012 at 8:34 am

LOL. That would be a terrible irony. Matthew deserves the calm kid!

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