1. “Will you be rehoming your dogs?” This is the one of the most ridiculous questions I have yet to hear. Maybe this isn’t true for everyone, but our dogs are part of our family. Unlike the rest of our family, they are members we actually got to choose. I am doing my best to prepare for the challenges of introducing two spoiled dogs to a new baby. Unless one of them somehow poses a serious health or safety risk, they’re not going anywhere.
2. “Was this planned?” I can only assume people who ask this question secretly want to hear some juicy tale of a surprise pregnancy. Nevertheless, I am always tempted to answer with an overly detailed account of the truth. Something along the lines of: “Actually, for X months, I closely charted my menstrual cycle, peed on ovulation sticks, and had lots of unprotected sex with my husband around my ovulation date.” Or perhaps, “Well, I’ve been having sex for quite a few years now and managed to evade getting knocked up. What do you think?”
…Sometimes I’m a believer that inappropriate questions deserve inappropriate answers.
3. “I hope you’re enjoying your time alone/time together/time to travel/so-called-life now, because those days are gone after you have kids.” Look, I’m very aware of the fact that my life is about to be turned upside down, put into a blender, turned inside out, and reassembled again for approximately 18 years after I give birth. But the doom and gloom that people insist on warning me about is obnoxious, and frankly makes me question the parent more than parenthood itself. I refuse to believe that having children will be the end of all things fun and exciting. In fact, I like to believe it’s the beginning of all things fun and exciting. So just let the foolish pregnant lady have her dreams and shut up.
4. “Get lots of sleep now. You’ll need it once the baby is born.” Again with the doom and gloom. Plus, did I miss something? Can you save up sleep on a debit card and spend the credits at a later date? This advice makes no sense to me.
5. “Your bump is so small/so big!” I get that by saying my “bump” is small, you’re trying to be nice by acting as though I haven’t put on a ton of weight (my interpretation: so I normally look this huge?). I also get that by saying my bump is big, you’re trying to compliment my mad baby-growing skillz (my interpretation: so I’m really as huge as I feel?). But really, as someone who is sensitive about weight and size issues to begin with, I don’t want to hear either. Just lie completely and tell me I look great.
{ 37 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow! People are so uncouth. And it really infuriates me when people get rid of their pets when they have a baby! WORST HUMANS EVER. Pets are not accessories to ditch. They are family, like you said. I used to work in a cat shelter and people did that all the time. “Oh, I just had a baby.” And? I would never give up my pets. 🙁
That’s terrible. I really can’t imagine a circumstance where I’d seriously consider getting rid of my dogs. I suppose if the baby was deathly allergic, but I don’t think that is likely as poodles are supposed to be a more allergy-friendly breed. Anything other than an extreme health or safety issue boggles my mind.
Do people want to rub your belly? Strangers?
Oh gosh, luckily no! Or at least not yet.
Oh god I will not respond well to this when the day comes. I usually tell pregnant women they are glowing (because they are) and ask them how they feel. I don’t mind when people say either of those to me as an unpregnant woman so I guess it works?
Definitely! You’re a class act 🙂
This was funny- and I must say I was just as equally annoyed when people said these things to me when I was pregnant…..but I will say, that revisiting this blog in about 3 years, you may have some changed thoughts 😉
Giving up your dogs? Whoever said that obviously does not know you and Matthew at all. I don’t get the sleep advice either…although a sleep debit card sounds lovely. 🙂
You’re right about the dogs…we’d probably consider rehoming the baby first.
…KIDDING!
these are ridiculous. especially those first ones. whats wrong with people. ive also come to realize that humans are just an incredibly nosy species. patients ask me within SECONDS of meeting me (while im putting my stethoscope on their naked chest or checking their chest tubes) if im married/have kids/x,y,z…its so odd to me. id NEVER think to be so bold as to inquire about personal things, especially before knowing a person’s last name.
Totally! In some cases, before even knowing a person’s first name!
The sleep one really pissed me off. Like BAD. But, sadly, it’s so true. I haven’t gotten a stretch of deep sleep longer than 5 hours in (almost) 7 months so….yeah. 🙁
Oh wow, you’ve had it rough! Sometimes I just don’t understand people…Like what the hell is going through their head?!I’ve luckily avoided most of those, but I have gotten the “I can’t tell you’re pregnant!” when I’m clearly huge and have the exact same response as you 🙂 Oh, and the sleep thing. Yeah, thanks genius.
my jaw dropped at #1
RIGHT?!
It amazes me how ridiculous people can be!
On #3, we are expecting our second in about four months and we can’t wait! Our lives have definitely changed, but it’s for the better. Little boys are so much fun!
Oh lucky you don’t live in Indonesia. Where I live, expect people to rub your belly even in the first months AND when you tell them off, they get offended and you’ll be told this classic line:
“You’re pregnant and you’re not supposed to be angry, otherwise your baby will inherit your temper”
Yes, it is THAT annoying here. Of course, not everybody is like that… but just try to imagine 8 out of 10 people doing that to you. *le sigh*
I’m 2 months along and can’t imagine what I’ll go through in months to come. Reading your blog comforts me. Thank you! 😀
Congratulations to you! Haha…if the baby can inherit my temper this early, well, we’re in trouble 😉
Dogs become just dogs after the kids arrive.
I agree with you!!!
“Sometimes I’m a believer that inappropriate questions deserve inappropriate answers.”… Me too!!! hehe answering the same way is fun at times! Then they give that confused smirk lol
Some people forget to think before they open their mouth.
Of course life after a baby is not less fun.. it’s more fun!!! Some women are just haters that can’t stand to see another women happy.
So sorry you had to hear all of this stuff! When you are pregnant, people think your body is public property that they can talk about as if it wasn’t actually connected to you.
I think I was only asked 3. and 4. but I also only told most people about me being pregnant at 21 weeks. I wanted to wait for the ultrasound first. I was so afraid my baby wouldn’t have a brain or no arms and feet. I remember starting to cry when they told us that my daughter did indeed have 5 fingers on each hand and 5 toes on each foot.
The giving the animal away thing – I’ve seen that on my forums and I was very surprised that people so easily get rid of their pets. I was terrified that my daughter would have a cat allergy. Truth to be told, when my baby was born we often joked about getting rid of the cats. Don’t get me wrong – we would never do it but your feelings towards your pets change a bit because you have so much love for your kid, like 1 million times more than for your pet (though I never thought this could be possible) and the pets really have to take a step back and we simply didn’t have the time to give them all the cuddles they previously got. It’s getting better now though and our two cats are my daughters favorite thing in the world. “Katze” (cat in German) is even one of her first words. So I am sure they’ll be getting a lot of cuddles from her.
And your life doesn’t end when you have a kid – it just changes. It’s not as easy to go on a trip but I know that will get much easier in a few years. My days now consist of long walks to the park and I do almost all my shopping online because she is not a big fan of big shopping trips but I couldn’t be happier.
Wow, I can’t imagine waiting 21 weeks to tell everyone! You must be a very patient person 🙂
It’s good to hear positive stories about pets and life not ending once the baby comes. Thank you!
What IS it about such a vulnerable, precarious time in your life that makes people think yes, I should offer rude/unwanted/nonsense input?! One person told me I had gained weight in my face. Wtf.
The pet thing– my two cats were my babies before my LO. Contrary to what most people say, having a baby hasn’t diminished my love for them at all. Obviously, your child ultimately comes first (though a situation where you’d actually HAVE to pick is pretty rare assuming you train and supervise properly). But I’ve not found my cats to be a nuisance or bother or any less loved than before. Sometimes I feel guilty that I don’t always have the time or energy for them but ultimately I know they’re still spoiled rotten in the scheme of things. So in short (or not…) the pet and baby thing can be totally fine!
I don’t think I’d handle it well if someone pointed out weight gain my face :/
Really good to hear about the cats!
I obviously don’t have experience, but I was shocked when one of my good friends told me that she had told her family the babies name and many of them said negative things about the name! Needless to say, they didn’t tell anyone the name for their second child until he was born.
I’ve heard of that too and experienced it to a small extent, just with talking about name ideas. I’m keeping my mouth shut from now on about names!
sometimes i just hate people. in general. i can’t understand for the life of me why people feel it is appropriate to provide running commentary on YOUR life. you make your own decisions! why can’t they just say congrats! you must be over the moon or something else positively vague? i sound like a stabby cat lady…oh it’s 5pm and my dinner reservation isn’t until 7 tonight. makes sense now 😉
I got #3, 4 and 5 all the time. I have definitely proved #3 wrong – travel and fun do not go out the window. In fact life DOES become more fun and exciting.
#4- yes i’ll admit, sleep does become harder.. but worth it.. so whatev!
and #5… all.the.time. And the best was at the end when people told me how much I have grown and I was like.. “well ya I am 9 months pregnant so I sure hope so!!”
disclaimer: i have no children. but, i have a best friend/sister who has an almost-one-year-old and i can vouch for the no sleep thing. it’s absurd, how little they have been running on for the past year. you’d never believe it. that also contributes to her new tendency to tell the same story 7 times before realizing that i’ve already heard it..6 times. 🙂 but the baby is quite worth it!
Some people just don’t know what’s appropriate to say!
lol you are funny! and yeah #2 is nutz! Can’t imagine being pregnant and getting asked that question! I like your answers to it though 🙂
I hope I didn’t say anything close to #5! I think you look beautiful and happy… and,well…. I am just SO excited for you! 🙂
xoxox
Haha no…you have only been extremely generous and kind 😉 xo
Ugh, people are nuts. Have they no sense? And the doom and gloom is just so stupid. I think that people want to come off as ‘knowing’ so much! Wow, ya don’t say- I’ll be sleep deprived? SOOOOOoo glad you told me- I never heard that before!
And people wouldn’t be lying if they say you look fabulous- because you just do.
I applaud the inappropriate answers idea. I think you should always answer like that. Come on, make them feel as uncomfortable as possible. =]
I’m a lesbian and my fiancee and I are planning on having a baby soonish after we get married. I can’t even imagine the questions I’m going to get.
“OMG, you cheated on her?!?” *rolls eyes* Yes, because sex with men is clearly the ONLY way to get pregnant…
People are so ignorant sometimes, it wouldn’t surprise me if you got ridiculous comments like that 🙁 Good luck to you both, and congrats on the wedding!
3,4 always annoyed me. Especially when they told me to enjoy being pregnant because when the baby comes it’s so much worse.
Yeah it’s hard, it’s very different from what you imagine being pregnant, BUT… “Why even get pregnant in the first place if it’s so bad once the kid arrives?” No matter how hard it gets, I still love it. And I have a very determined (determined not to sleep, and eat my life away) baby, so I know what hard is.
Advice from me? It’s really going to be awesome. it’s totally Ok living in dreams of what your life is going to be like with the baby, to not wait for the said baby to arrive. You spent so much time preparing and then carrying the baby, it’s totally normal to look forward to life with the baby, rather than “enjoy being without as much as you can”
THANK YOU! This type of thing is wonderful to hear, especially from a new mama 🙂
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