July 20, 2012 (37 weeks, 2 days):
Today we are meeting with our doula to discuss Plan B. Though I promised myself that after the version, I would embrace whatever fate handed me, I am still torn between an undying allegiance to our original birth plans, and the realization that I should probably start to accept that I cannot, in fact, control the world.
Our doula, bless her heart, stays for three hours discussing our options. She asks me if I’m up for trying another version, and without even thinking about it too much, I know the answer is no.
Matthew and I go to dinner after she leaves, and I finally surrender to the situation in full. “I know that there is nothing physically blocking this baby from moving,” I tell him. “If he wants to move, he will move. But it won’t be because of anything I do to force him there.” He nods in agreement.
In other words, you win, Baby. You win.
July 21, 2012 (37 weeks, 3 days):
I wake up to a sweeping, wave-like movement in my belly. It’s oddly strong and gentle at the same time, and I try not to move for fear of disturbing whatever is happening. I close my eyes, hold Lulu, and I whisper, “Whatever you want to do, Baby. Whatever you want to do.”
July 23, 2012 (37 weeks, 5 days):
Our c-section consult with Dr. G. We have an entire page of questions to go over, but first I want her to do another ultrasound. I’ve hardly breathed a peep about my suspicions to anyone, but I tell her that I think he has moved. She seems skeptical.
She puts the magic wand on me and, sure enough, the little stinker is back to head down.
He’s just hangin’ there, as if to say, “Chill OUT, Mom! I was just taking one last spin around the block!”
Dr. G is shocked.
I smile not just from the overwhelming relief, but because I love that he is already surprising doctors.
July 25, 2012 (38 weeks):
With all the drama of the last two weeks, time has flown by. Now that things are, arguably, back on track, this is starting to feel like the World’s Longest Pregnancy. Every movement from the baby sends me into a panic that he is turning again. Every sigh or grimace I make sends Matthew into a panic that I’m having contractions.
Basically, we’re a mess. One big, relieved, happy, anxious, excited mess.
***
Read previous Pregnancy Journal entries here.
{ 24 comments… read them below or add one }
“Little stinker” is right!!!!! But whoo hoo!!!
Yeah, I had another choice word at one point, but settled on stinker 😉
Love that he turned for you! The last few weeks are the hardest, that’s for sure!
Thanks Abby 🙂
You’ve got quite the kidder on your hands already, Lara! Sounds like no matter what, you’re covered! If he stays as he is, you’ll be able to have the natural birth you want! And if he turns again, you’ve had some time to prepare for the alternative birth method/make peace with it. Fortunately it seems like little boy B is listening and knows what his mama wants and will stay put!! 🙂 Good thoughts heading your way!!!
He’s definitely keeping us on our toes! Yep, I’ve definitely reached the place of feeling OK with whatever happens for the birth. I just want to meet him already!
Thanks Lissa 🙂
Ohhh you had me choking up when you described you grabbing Lulu and being afraid to move, and whispering and… ohhh I’ve turned to blubber. YAY BABY B! He is all “you CANNOT prepare for me, woman! I’m in charge here!”*
*this does not change for, as far as I can tell, ever. Amber keeps telling me “no, like this mama, like this. Do it like this. No, mama, look, like this.” Le sigh!
Hehe…yep, he’s definitely showing me who is really boss! I expected it to happen with a toddler, but not quite THIS early! 😉
I felt the same way with my baby moving all the time! It’s quite the roller coaster but finally I realized that it’s good to be mentally prepared for both methods of delivery because you still never know what can happen when labor starts. Wishing you a stress-free last few weeks!
Thanks Sara. Yep, I know you know exactly what we’ve been going through! Like you said, at least we’re prepared! Good luck to you as well!
He’ll be here before you know it – so excited for you guys! You’ll be such a good Momma!
It still feels so far away! Thanks Biz.
So so sooooooo happy baby boy pulled through for you! He almooooost got himself a spanking before he was even born. Good thing he figured out what was good for him 🙂
Oh I still intend to remind him of this in the future as an example of the angst he caused me even before birth 😉
Blessings to you and your “mover and shaker.” Just found you through HEAB and now I’ll be following!
Thank you, Mandy! Love that Heabie 🙂
Just checked out your blog…your little boy is so adorable!
Just caught up on your posts now. Feeling slightly guilty I couldn’t offer support when you first got the news, but SO HAPPY things are “back on track” so to say. Even happier you got to experience a huge lesson way before most moms – that life is totally out of our control. Sounds like you one got one entertaining kid on your hands 😉 xo
Oh don’t be silly about feeling guilty! Thanks for checkin’ in…yep, this kiddo is already teaching me so much 🙂 Thanks Susan <3
1) YOU WRITE SO WELL!
2) wow! I can’t even imagine… .trying to understand what this gentle yet strong, wave-like movement feels like………well, of course I don’t understand it…but isnt it amazing how our bodies can always do NEW THINGS?………and really how NATURE can always throw something unexpected and beautiful at us… surprising us, time and time again?! (Even after years and years of walking on this earth!) This world and this life are SO amazing. Maybe I’m just getting all Zen with this comment…but one thing meditation and Buddhism have taught me is that we should always remember the idea of impermanence. Things are always changing…everything is dynamic….feelings, the weather, our age, our situations………moment to moment….so it’s better to not fear and worry (or the converse…become attached to one thing/feeling/state)…because it will always change…like the seasons or the waves of the ocean. Not that this is an easy idea to practice…of course not! Takes great training….but I dunno… it also gives me a lot of comfort and perspective.
Okay, I don’t know what I’m trying to say bout Baby B…but I love the way you describe this situation.
‘He’s just hangin’ there, as if to say, “Chill OUT, Mom! I was just taking one last spin around the block!” ‘
How cute! And how interesting will it be to see how he develops. Being the psych-lover, I can already picture/imagine MAYBE him taking his time with things, learning them at his own pace…doing things when HE is ready/wants to. Playing with blocks/legos and not coming down to dinner until he is satisfied with his creation.
and how fun to have a blog! You can share this with him someday!
Alrighty. I love you so! You’ve been an amazing friend, and I am so excited for you! (Whoa…did my eyes really just start swelling up?! I better alert D that im feeling pretty emo today!)
STAY COOL this weekend! <3 YOU!
-GC
Thanks so much, friend. Your words about fear and worry are SO true, and something I really need to take to heart in all areas of my life! You are so wise beyond your years 🙂
Oh and doing things in his own time, the way he wants to? Where would he get that?! 😉
I am so happy to hear the baby turned on his own! Hopefully the rest of this time will go quickly and you’ll have no other surprises before the delivery, except for good ones 🙂
Thank you Sarah! That’s a lovely thought 🙂
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