Dear Facebook

by Lara on December 7, 2011

Dear Facebook,

Let’s get one thing straight: you are merely a device I use to stalk my closest friends and frenemies; oh, and to post flattering photos and status updates which reflect well upon myself.  That’s it.  I am not addicted to you.  Got that?  I can quit you anytime I want.

And I do want to quit you.  I want to quit you when you flash it around in my face that the girl I had a teensy rivalry with in high school just got engaged at the top of the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, complete with photos of her 2 carat Tiffany diamond ring.  Or when you suggest I friend my ex: boyfriend or best friend…both are equally cringe-inducing.

So let’s make a deal, Facebook.  I’ll use you to stay in touch with those I love, and to quietly judge those I don’t (*cough* like that “friend” who thinks it’s appropriate to post about her toddler’s bowel movements), and you will promise to never, EVER, enable that rumored feature which allows any of those people to see who has viewed their profile.  I also require that you stop tailoring ads to me regarding weight loss, fertility treatments, and very sad-looking rescue dogs.   In return, I promise not to quit you, criticize your changes, or get too active on Google+.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I just heard the sound of a notification ping.

Addictedly Yours,

Lara

{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }

Lissa December 7, 2011 at 11:50 am

Love this post, Lara!

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glidingcalm December 7, 2011 at 12:27 pm

addicteddddddddddddddddd

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Erin December 7, 2011 at 3:58 pm
Cynthia (It All Changes) December 7, 2011 at 6:45 pm

AMEN!!!

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Lindsey Pitts December 8, 2011 at 8:58 am

love you and your blog 🙂

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Roz@weightingfor50 December 8, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Love this!!!!!

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donna December 8, 2011 at 4:58 pm

i can so relate to this! 😉

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Danielle December 9, 2011 at 2:10 pm

Ha, right there with you! It’s a love-hate-love-but still kind of hate relationship 🙂

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Deb (SmoothieGirlEatsToo) December 9, 2011 at 9:14 pm

Hilarious Lara. Great post. Somehow I 12-stepped my way away from FB. Now it’s Instagram and email that I have ‘issues’ with 🙂

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Andrea@WellnessNotes December 10, 2011 at 7:59 am

A little bit too true… 😉

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Tasha @ Dine n' Dash December 12, 2011 at 9:30 am

I actually quit fb!
but…now I’m addicted to twitter. bahahaha

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fittingbackin December 22, 2011 at 1:55 pm

LOL fabulous! and so true – and OMG the toddler bowel movements – completely! Why???

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Kimberly December 28, 2011 at 8:30 pm

hahaa – I love your letters! And AMEN! to the Facebook addict – ugh – I’ve thought about deactivating off and on for a while— maybe someday.

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Jasmin January 21, 2012 at 2:53 am

I can relate so much to this… 😉

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