Y’all know that I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook, right? I have spent far too many hours overexposing myself on the social network; I report on recipes I’ve tried, check into places I hope are cool, and update my dearest 600 friends and family members on important matters like the existence of a new Sonicare toothbrush or Tempur-Pedic mattress. In short, I fear I have become one of the most annoying types of Facebook abusers.
I think you’re all familiar with the painful status updates that can actually make us feel embarrassed on said person’s behalf. These status updates are gratuitous at best, and flat-out obnoxious at worst. They are, in no particular order:
1. The vague and uncomfortably passive-aggressive status update. You know the one. It slyly alludes to some sort of misery caused by no one-in-particular-but-totally-someone-in-particular-and-I-really-hope-they’re-reading this. I used to do write these on my AIM Away messages. Eleven years ago.
2. The “I’m so much happier than you,” status update. These updates usually start with a laundry list of the day’s trivial occurrences, and commonly end with something like, “<3 MY LIFE!” Really? If your life is so fabulous, why are you on Facebook all of the time?
3. The “I’m so miserable,” status update. Contrastingly, some status updates are more depressing than the American debt crisis. Please, if you are this tormented, talk to someone meaningful who wants to listen and help, not 500 of your high school and college acquaintances.
4. The Child Obsessed. I know, your kids are perfect. I’m sure, you are a really, really good parent. But I don’t need to see a photo of your child eating a grape. Then a bite of a sandwich. Then another grape. Save it for their wedding.
5. The Pet Obsessed. Oh wait, that’s me. But I started a separate page for my needless pet antics, so you only have to view them if you feel so compelled.
Please, before you hit the share button, I beg you to consider whether your update is truly fun, adorable, or particularly useful. I don’t mean to be the Facebook bully–I’m guilty of most of these, myself. But these frivolous updates must stop.
This has been a Public Service Announcement for the betterment of quality social media.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
lol I am a little bit of a facebook- wh… i meannnn, facebook lover. What can i say!? guilty.
GC, trust me, you don’t do any of these! 😉
sooo true about passive aggressive AIM away messages…now they go on my twitter 🙂
Yes! I think Twitter is fair game for that stuff 😉
I dropped Facebook cold turkey over 2 years ago, yet I’m still sometimes tempted to sign back on (which reactivates my account) and announce that I now have my dream truck that I always yapped about and oh yeah, I have a 3 month old too! But I hate Facebook too much to get back into it. High school sucked & that’s all fb reminds me of.
You quit Facebook cold turkey?! You have my admiration.
bahahaha omg i hate the people who put up song lyrics in direct association to a guy that they hope will read their status update and then think it’s about them. um NEWS FLASH they don’t notice!
Hehe…song lyrics, yes, I am positive I used to do that in college! 😉
Im a huge offender. Did you see my recent check-in
No, but now I’ll have to break my vow to only login once a week and go check it 😉
I so hear what you’re saying Lara. The updates that make me cringe the most are when people share way too much information. Some things should just remain private. They do realize that once you post it, it’s never going away, right? Thank goodness Facebook wasn’t around when I was in high-school – I get embarrassed just thinking about the kinds of things I would have written.
HEAB, Yes! I would have been terrible with Facebook in high school, and I’m pretty sure I was bad in college, too! Guilty.
Well stated. Can this come up as number one on a Google search?
Hi Lara. OMG…I so get this!!! A member of my husbands extended family uses FB to profess her undying love for her boyfriend….her status updates are long the lines of “can’t wait to see you tonight babe” and “you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “thank you for loving me the way you do”. BLECH!!!! SERIOUSLY….nothing wrong with emails or calls like that BETWEEN THE TWO PEOPLE….the rest of us don’t have to see those cringe worthy comments. She’s in her 40’s, and she acts like a 15 year old in heat. Gross. OH my…that was quite the rant wasn’t it??? sorry! 🙂 Have a wonderful, facebook free Friday!!!!
Hehe…that sounds particularly TMI! “Facebook-free Friday”–I love it!
I’m sure I’ve been guilty of at least some of those. 😉 I definitely hate the passive aggressive vague or cryptic status updates. But the others don’t bother me unless they happen ALL the time. Or if I am in a bad mood. When I am in a bad mood or sick of social networking in general, then everything on it bugs me. 😉 What I really hate are the ones that try to guilt you into reposting something. “Repost this in honor of people who are battling cancer…. sadly, most of you won’t.” “Play this game where you post something vague or provocative sounding or completely untrue in order to raise awareness for this cause” What good does that do? Does it actually help the cause? No. It is just making people feel guilty or confusing them. I also hate the “Let’s see who is REALLY my friend on here, post a comment with something so that all my other friends that you don’t know can also post a comment and fill your notifications box with comments from people you don’t know. If you REALLY read my status updates you’ll do it.” I’m not a fan of guilt inducing updates. Whew. I feel better now. 🙂 Hope you enjoy your facebook free time! 🙂
Rene, I hear you. I am particularly pessimistic when I’m in a bad mood, and cheery updates bug me *that* much more. I totally forgot about the guilt updates. Gosh, those are also terrible.
I’m pretty similar. When I see the cheery updates when I am happy I feel like they are being grateful spreading joy and that makes me happy. When I am feeling down though, they can really bug me or make me feel worse. So, I just try to avoid facebook when I am feeling down. But I don’t always succeed. 😉 Of course people who don’t seem grateful so much as just being bragging or being snobby always bug me. And I don’t mind a few lovey
Sorry, a few lovely comments between a couple every now and then, but some do go way overboard! And that does get weird and annoying.
Ugh… I think I have people on my “Friends” list that are totally all of these things. There is one in particular that is both #1 and #2 combined, sometimes with the woe is me too. I so want to unfriend her, but I’m just too damn nosy. 🙂
I loved this! I am going to post on my Fb, and I really want to call people out.
I post about my business (photographer)… and kids… and being happy! 🙂 I try to compensate for all the friends who only post the Eeyore mentality “whoa is me”… so depressing I want to snap! Lol. If your life, partner, workout, job, etc sucks so bad, get off the damn computer and do something about it!! 🙂