Pregnancy Journal: The 20-Week Ultrasound

March 21, 2012 (20 weeks):

We are waiting in the exam room for the lab tech.  Matthew snaps a picture to mark the moment.

I take one look at the photo and say, “It’s a girl.”

I lie down.  Goop goes on my stomach.  We look at the brain first.  Holy cow, this is amazing.  Two hemispheres, some measuring.  Then onto the heart.  144 bpm.  Four chambers.  Now a limb check.  Two arms, two legs.  Relief.

Then, quite suddenly, the tech exclaims, “Looks like it’s a boy!”

“What?” I say.  “Are you sure?”

Look, it’s not that I don’t want a boy.  It’s more like, I’m sure this is girl and it’s impossible to imagine otherwise.

Imagine you’re planning a big dinner out and, for weeks in advance, you are told by everyone that you’re going to a steakhouse.  You start picturing your steak, your side dishes…the works, right?  Then on the night of the dinner, you’re told that actually, you’re going to be having salmon.  I love salmon, perhaps even more than steak, but it’s not what I was imagining.

This is the only analogy I can come up with, and I already feel guilty for comparing our little boy to a piece of salmon.

“You can confirm it with other angles, right?  I want to be sure,” I say.

“Oh, this is pretty much as clear as it will ever be,” she says, with a laugh.  “He’s making it pretty clear.”

Ooooof course he is.

Matt and I look at each other, tears threatening to make this a sentimental moment.  It’s a boy.  It’s a BOY!  He has a brain, and a heart, and arms and legs, and, I hear a voice interject, kidneys and a spine!

I feel euphoric, like I’ve learned that I am pregnant all over again.  Only better.  When I first found out I was pregnant, my feelings were more of doubt and fear (“This isn’t real,” and  “It’s too early to get excited”).  Now, the evidence is more than just a line on a stick.  My feelings are so much more real and confident:  this IS real and there is no stopping our excitement.

On our way out to the car, we can’t stop singing the lyrics to the Brad Paisley song “Anything Like Me.”

I remember sayin’ I don’t care either way
Just as long as he or she is healthy, I’m okay
And then the doctor pointed to the corner of the screen
And said, “You see that thing right there? Well, you know what that means”

I started wondering who he was going to be
And I thought, heaven help us if he’s anything like me

He’ll probably climb a tree too tall and ride his bike too fast
End up every summer wearin’ something in a cast
He’s gonna throw a ball and break some glass
In a window down the street

He’s gonna get in trouble, oh, he’s gonna get in fights
I’m gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It’s safe to say that I’m gonna get my payback
If he’s anything like me

I can see him right now, knees all skinned up
With a magnifying glass tryin’ to melt a Tonka truck
Won’t he be a sight with his football helmet on?
That’ll be his first love ’til his first love comes along

He’ll get his heart broke by the time he’s in his teens
And heaven help him if he’s anything like me

He’ll probably stay out too late and drive his car too fast
Get a speeding ticket, he’ll pay for mowing grass
He’s gonna get caught skippin’ class
And be grounded for a week

He’s gonna get into trouble, we’re gonna get in fights
I’m gonna lose my temper and some sleep
It’s safe to say that I’m gonna get my payback
If he’s anything like me

He’s gonna love me
And hate me
Along the way

The years are gonna fly by
And I already dread the day

He’s gonna hug his mama, he’s gonna shake my hand
He’s gonna act like he can’t wait to leave

But as he drives out he’ll cry his eyes out
If he’s anything like me
There’s worse folks to be like, oh, he’ll be alright
If he’s anything like me

***

Read previous Pregnancy Journal entries here.