An Open Letter to Kate Middleton

by Lara on October 13, 2011

Hi Kate,

May I call you Kate?  I know “Middleton” is not technically your surname anymore, but my ego has a hard time addressing you as Duchess Catherine.

You see, I’m a little bitter, because you’ve stolen my life.  Well, the life that my 15-year-old self was sure she would one day have, anyway.

For one thing, I’ve been in love with Prince William since puberty.  While everyone else was grieving his mother’s death back in 1997, I was hoarding People magazines, looking for his photo wherever I could find it.

I had envisioned a life, your life, where I would visit foreign countries wearing designer gowns, get widely photographed for basically doing nothing at all, and give birth to beautiful royal babies, all with a diamond-encrusted tiara gracing my head of hair.

The hair.  I was hoping I wouldn’t have to bring this up.  But Kate, you stole my hair.


What, you thought flowy, long, auburn locks were an original idea to snag a prince?  No.  Many of us mere mortals have been perfecting this look (yours truly) since the late ’80s.

Here is the worst part, Kate.  You seem really great.  You seem like a girl I would actually like to hang out with, mainly because you are completely oblivious to how beautiful you actually are.  You seem effortlessly thin, endlessly poised, and yet inexplicably down to earth.  I have much to learn from you.

Your Jealous, Yet Adoring, Freaky Fan,


{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }

Heather Eats Almond Butter October 14, 2011 at 8:55 am

You know, the first time I saw Kate Middleton, I thought, “She’s pretty and all, but she’s no Lara.” Seriously. 🙂


Lara October 14, 2011 at 9:00 am

Aww Heabie, thanks for the smiles 🙂


Gillian October 14, 2011 at 11:46 am

She is no Lara. William’s loss.


Eden October 14, 2011 at 1:43 pm

i second that


Lara October 14, 2011 at 1:47 pm

Thanks ladies 😉


Eden October 14, 2011 at 1:52 pm

What bugs me about Kate is that she’s all “normal” shopping at regular stores using discount cards or whatever, but she still a billionaire and she doesn’t need to try so hard to prove she’s a “commoner”. If she really wanted to ‘rough’ it out, I’d like to see her at the salvation army.


Lara October 14, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Fair enough. But I’m not sure she’s ever said outright that she is a commoner…I think she’s just doing her thang. But I’m obsessed with her, so what the heck do I know 😉


Laural @ Being Healthier October 15, 2011 at 8:43 am

!! my sister calls it ” SA” …. it sounds like a fancier store like ” esse” … my sister finds the best stuff there, i’d love to see Kate rough it at SA.

Prince William is my cousin on my grandmother’s side…. Kate is my cousin on my grandfather’s side… far removed..but still related. I’ll see if I can work some magic for you Lara at the next family reunion


Erin October 14, 2011 at 5:35 pm

Oh Lara…I love this


LovesCatsinCA October 14, 2011 at 7:45 pm

Well written. My crush was Paul McCartney. And you’re very lovely–you’ll find someone even better perhaps–with all their hair! (and other more important characteristics of course.)

I think my pet peeve is that Duchess Catherine is 10 inches taller than I am and weighs less. Lucky her!


Lara October 15, 2011 at 12:22 pm

Thank you!


Susan October 15, 2011 at 4:11 am

I third, fourth, fifth what everyone has said about you being a beauty all your own Lara!

And when I think of how much crap the royal Kate has to deal with, and the fact that Wills is going to be bald in a few years, I think she got the short end of the stick ; )

Hey, you could probably do impersonations for some extra cashola!


Lara October 15, 2011 at 12:23 pm

Thank you, Susan! You’re right, it would be quite a lot of responsibility!


Eden October 15, 2011 at 3:59 pm

I also second the impersonation career! Easy cash and you get to dress up. Thats my dream job!


pure2raw twins October 15, 2011 at 5:19 pm

love Katie, and I agree with the other ladies that she is no Lara!!! you are just as beautiful and charming 🙂 HUGS


Roz@weightingfor50 October 16, 2011 at 4:17 pm

Too Funny!!!! William’s loss is your husband’s gain!!!


Diane Fit to the Finish October 16, 2011 at 6:05 pm

she did steal your hair! Was her dress similar to yours I wonder too? Maybe she’s been secretly watching you. . . !! Great post Lara!


glidingcalm October 22, 2011 at 11:44 am

lol ohhhhhhhhhhh Lara! you are funny. and your hair is prettier than hers!


Heather February 2, 2013 at 5:26 pm

This makes me laugh. I want to share that I have a postcard of their wedding on my fridge with pictures of my nieces, nephews, etc. Normal? I hope so.


Lara February 3, 2013 at 12:22 pm

That is totally awesome 🙂


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